Across The Lines cont.

[soulfulfishbowl]

part I

Usually, Frank would spend the entire day with his cell phone in his pocket and his hand constantly resting on it, feeling for the soft vibrations as another text came through. Today though…today he feels extra cautious and nervous every time his mother so much as looks at him, so he leaves his phone in his room, beneath his pillow and on silent.

He checks it every now and then, excusing himself to the bathroom so many times that it probably makes his mother even more suspicious, just to check for any missed texts or calls. Gerard only texts him a few times about how Mikey is annoying and how much he misses Frank. Frank smiles with each new texts and taps out his replies, fully of smiley faces and a ridiculous amount of kisses, though says nothing of his conversation with his mother. He can’t. He feels sick every time he thinks about it, and what worries him most is that if he tells Gerard, it’ll scare him away.

And Frank’s not ready to lose him just yet.

…

“I’m walking Rosie now,” Frank announces from the kitchen, Rosie’s leash in one hand and his hoodie in the other.

“Alright,” his mother replies, looking up from the TV guide to smile. He waves a little and pulls Rosie towards the back door.

Linda sits there for a few minutes, reading the same line over and over again as she just waits. She wants to trust her son, wants to trust him more than anything. He’s always been a good kid, polite and tidy with decent grades in school – she’s got no reason to doubt anything he says. But somehow, she does. There’s a sickly feeling in her stomach that lets her know that something’s just not right. Call it mother’s intuition or just a woman paranoid – but something’s not right.

After five minutes, Linda drops the TV guide and gets quickly out of the chair.

…

Frank’s got his head on Gerard’s shoulder and hands curled in to his hoodie as Gerard strokes softly at the small of his back. He told Gerard about the dream pretty much as soon as he saw him, and Gerard just smiled sympathetically and pulled Frank in to a hug. Frank doesn’t want the hug to end, so Gerard keeps a tight hold of him.

“Y’think we could go camping again?” he asks quietly. He feels Gerard nod against the side of his head.

“Sure,” he says. “Maybe we could camp for a couple nights this time?”

Frank rubs his hands up Gerard’s chest. “Yeah. Maybe. No swimming, though.”

Gerard laughs softly and kisses Frank’s forehead. “No, no swimming, I promise.”

“And bring a double sleeping bag…”

“And bring a double sleeping bag,” Gerard repeats, nodding.

Louie scampers around their legs, brushing himself against Gerard’s ankles and making a gruff sort of huffing sound. Rosie’s sat watching a foot or so away, banging her tail rhythmically in the dirt.

Frank tilts his head up, pushing his nose against Gerard’s jaw until he leans down and kisses him. One of Gerard’s hands instantly comes up to Frank’s cheek, cupping it softly as he kisses him, steady and slow. Frank makes a little whining sound in the back of his throat, hands fisting tighter in the front of Gerard’s hoodie as he urges him to deepen the kiss, sighing in satisfaction when Gerard finally does. Gerard’s tongue always tastes slightly fruity, Frank’s always meaning to ask Gerard of it’s something he drinks – but he keeps forgetting. He laughs breathily, smiling as Gerard’s tongue tickles at the roof of his mouth. Kissing Gerard always makes him feel so happy.

From somewhere next to them, Rosie barks.

“FRANK IERO!” Frank spins around quickly, heart in his throat as his mother steams her way over the top of the embankment. Louie starts to yap and jump at the back of Gerard’s legs. “What do you think you’re doing!” her face is red as she yells at them, eyes wide and teeth bared as she reaches them. Frank doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know if he can speak because he feels like if he opens his mouth, he’s going to vomit. He’s never seen her look like that before, so angry and hateful like she’s ready to explode. She grabs a hold of Frank’s shoulder and yanks him away. “You get the hell away from my son!” she spits at Gerard. “You disgusting freak!”

Gerard recoils back, staring dumbly back at her, mouth open in disbelief that this is actually happening. “No, it’s not – it’s not like-” he babbles uselessly.

“Shut up!” she shrieks. “Don’t you even talk to me you pervert!”

“Mom, no,” Frank finally says, because this is not Gerard’s fault. He’s not a pervert and Frank is not a victim. “Mom, no, it’s not his fault,” he repeats, his voice is desperate and hurt and it breaks Gerard’s heart to hear.

“Go home now, Frank,” she barks, pointing in the direction of their town before turning back to Gerard. “Stay away from my son!” she yells one final time before grabbing hold of Frank’s arm and yanking him away. Rosie barks and runs after them making Louie yap and run in confused circles on his leash.

Frank tries to turn around to look at Gerard, but his mother yanks him back. Frank catches a glimpse of him, gazing after Frank with wide and helpless eyes. Linda tightens her grip on Frank’s arm until its sore as she glares dead ahead, marching Frank on to their street without looking at him once.


“Just tell me, Frank,” Linda says when she shoves him in to the living room. “Tell me he forced himself on you.” Frank feels even more sick and he’s not sure if he wants to scream or cry first because it sounds like she’d rather that, rather Frank was being abused than accept some other truth.

“No,” Frank growls, he can feel his eyes start to sting and his arm throbs from his mother’s grasp. “No, he didn’t. I kissed him, I kissed him because I wanted to, because I liked it,” he says, his voice gradually getting louder.

“Listen to yourself, listen to what you’re saying,” her hands are shaking, out in front of her body like she’s about to put them together in prayer. “It’s sick.”

“I love him!” Frank finally shouts because the words were starting to block his throat. The way Linda moves towards him, fast and angry, makes Frank flinch away like she’s going to hit him. She shoves at his shoulders, moving him towards the door.

“Go, go to your room, get out of my sight!” she screams at him.

At the bottom of the stairs, Frank’s father’s stood with a bewildered expression. “What the hell is going on?” he asks, but Linda continues to shove at Frank until he’s stumbling up the stairs.

“Get out of my sight!” she says again, and Frank pounds up the stairs as fast as he can.

In his room, he slams the door closed and presses himself against it, finally letting out a guttural sob.

…

Gerard feels completely numb when he steps through his front door. He doesn’t even remember taking Louie back to Mrs. Greenford, doesn’t remember what he said or if he ever spoke to her at all. He walks through the house like he’s unaware of his surroundings, not looking anywhere other than straight ahead.

In the kitchen, Mikey’s on the phone. He smiles at his brother when he walks through, but Gerard doesn’t even look at him. “Gee?” he says, eyebrows raised in confusion. Still nothing, Gerard just walks to the basement door and disappears down the stairs. “Uh, I’ll call you back, Ray,” he says before quickly flipping his phone shut and following his brother.

When he gets down there, Gerard’s sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall. Mikey shuffles carefully in to the room and Gerard finally takes in a deep, shaky breath. “He’s gone,” he says and when Mikey moves closer he can see that Gerard’s hands are shaking as they grip the bed covers.

“Gone?” Mikey asks, taking the chair and wheeling it in front of his brother. “What do you mean, gone?”

Gerard still doesn’t look up. “His mom found us.”

“Shit,” Mikey gasps. “Oh, shit.”

“She yelled at him and grabbed him and I just…I just stood there,” he whispers.

“Gerard,” Mikey says, reaching out to touch one of Gerard’s hands. “She’s his mom, there’s not much you could have done without making the situation worse for Frank.”

It makes Gerard’s stomach lurch thinking about what Frank’s going through now, his mother screaming at him, telling him how sick and wrong he is, how wrong Gerard is. The thought makes him want to pound his fist in to a wall until one of them breaks.

“I could have done something.”

Mikey shakes his head. “Was she really mad?”

“I thought she was going to kill me,” Gerard says, looking down at his feet. “You should have seen her face, Mikey. It’s all my fault,” and his head drops in to his hands.

Mikey frowns and squeezes his brother’s shoulder soothingly. He wants to tell his brother that everything’s going to be ok, wants to lie and tell him that he promises things will sort themselves out. But he can’t. So he doesn’t.

…

Frank’s lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His eyes are tired from the weight of the tears, throat scratchy from the sobbing. Now it feels like his body’s heavy with feeling, crushing him in to the mattress as he just lies there and lets it, because he wants to disappear. He doesn’t want to face the rest of his life, not anymore.

Linda had come in a few hours ago to take Frank’s phone and laptop. Frank just sat there and watched her, never saying a single word and he hasn’t seen anyone since. Not even Rosie. Frank can’t think about Gerard, although every cell in his brain wants to, he can’t think about him because it’ll drive him insane, pushing him over the edge of which he’s already clinging on to.

-

Frank’s confined to his room the next day, and probably for the rest of his life. He sits on his bed and stares at the wall, his mind throbbing as he constantly tries to fight back his thoughts.

Rosie pads in to his room in the morning and lies on the floor at the bottom of Frank’s bed. She stays there with Frank, only moving when Frank does.

Linda and Charles don’t talk to their son at all the next day, and they barely talk to each other. Linda makes Frank breakfast, a snack and then dinner, leaving all three meals outside of his bedroom door for him to find.

Frank feels like a prisoner, at the start of a very long sentence.

…

Ray comes over to the Way’s house the next day, because he’s called Mikey twice and there’s been no answer and no replies to his text. Donna smiles when she answers the door. She lets him in and shows him to the stairs.

“We should do dinner again,” she says and Ray nods.

“Yeah, we should,” he replies before descending the stairs.

Down in Gerard’s room, Ray finds Gerard curled up on the bed with his head on Mikey’s lap. Mikey looks up when the door opens and he doesn’t look at all surprised to see him. He pushes his index finger against his lips and points down to Gerard, who’s sleeping.

“Should I come back?” Ray whispers quietly. Mikey shakes his head and starts to move, gently easing Gerard’s head from his lap. He moves a pillow under Gerard’s head and creeps up from the bed and over to Ray. Gerard stirs a little in his sleep, but doesn’t wake up.

“Hey,” he whispers, leaning up to kiss Ray’s lips quickly.

“Hi, are you alright? You didn’t call…I was worried,” Ray admits, hating how corny and predictable he sounds. Mikey’s head tilts and he smiles a little.

“I’m alright,” he reassures his boyfriend before pausing to quickly glance back at his brother. “Frank’s mom caught them kissing.”

Ray’s eyes widen. “What?” he gasps. “Where? How?”

“She followed Frank to the tracks, saw them, yelled a lot and dragged Frank away.”

“Shit,” Ray says, looking over Mikey’s shoulder to a sleeping Gerard. “Is he ok?” Mikey sighs, long and sad and shakes his head. “Come here, baby,” Ray whispers, pulling Mikey in to a loving hug. He strokes a hand down Mikey’s arm and on to the small of his back. “It’s gonna be fine. We’ll think of something, I promise.”

Mikey buries his face in to his boyfriend’s neck and nods. “I hope so.”

-

The next morning, Linda pulls the covers off Frank quickly to wake him up. He rolls over and stares up at her, blinking in to the morning light.

“Get up,” she says coldly. “You’re due in church in an hour.”

Frank sits up, rubbing his eyes. “Church?” he asks, checking his mental calendar. It’s not Sunday.

“The volunteer project,” she says, making her way back to the door. “You’re signed up. Get dressed.”

Frank waits until she’s closed the door again before rolling himself out of bed with a heavy head and heart.

…

To Frank’s complete and utter delight, when his dad drops him off outside the church, Alex is stood by its gates. Frank’s so happy he wants to cry, he wants to throw himself in to Alex’s arms and hug the crap out of him – but that wouldn’t really help the situation. Instead, he smiles weakly, an expression which Alex returns, and walks slowly up to the gates. His dad drives off without a word.

“What are you doing here?” Frank asks, wringing at his hands.

“My mom sort of forced me in to it. She said it’d look good on my college applications. What about you? Same?” Frank nods. “Are you in trouble?” Alex says after a moment’s pause.

Frank double takes, “How did you-”

“My mom,” Alex interrupts. “She heard about Mrs. Philips’ phone call and she saw your mom dragging you home. Our whole street knows, Frank. It’s only a matter of time before the rest of the town knows…” Frank groans and lets his head hit back against the gates. “Are you ok?”

Frank doesn’t know whether to cry or laugh, but he settles for shaking his head. “No,” he whispers. “I’m not.” Alex reaches out and squeezes Frank’s arm quickly. “My life is pretty much over…isn’t it?” Frank asks looking up at Alex, but he doesn’t reply.

“Alright, you two,” comes a voice from behind them. “Quit your chattering, we’ve got work to do.”

…

No one’s glaring at Frank as they paint, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be tomorrow. Alex is right, Frank thinks, because it won’t be too long before the whole town knows.

Alex and Frank paint the fences down at the back of the church with two other people, but luckily they’re spaced out enough so that Frank can give Alex a quick recap of what happened without worrying about being overheard. Alex smiles sympathetically, nods and listens and looks Frank in the eye when he’s saying something particularly meaningful.

“I’m worried he hates me,” Frank says quietly, not even looking at the same bit of fence he’s been painting for the past half an hour.

Alex shakes his head, frowning. “Dude, how can you think that?” Frank shrugs. “He’s probably worried sick about you…”

Frank looks back at the fence. “I don’t know.”

“Frank, stop it. Stop blaming yourself for this, ok? Because it’s not your fault, it’s not anybody’s fault,” Alex says, paintbrush pointed directly at Frank. Frank’s lips quirk in to a small but real smile, because Alex might just be the most amazing person Frank has ever known – besides Gerard of course.

Frank nods. “Yeah,” he whispers.

“Situations like these, they don’t come along too often,” Alex explains, “and when they do, they always get resolved.”

“I don’t ever see how that is going to happen,” Frank sighs, dropping his brush back in to the pot. “I’m under house arrest, no laptop, no phone-”

Alex interrupts him with an upheld hand. “I have a phone…”

…

The boy’s toilets isn’t really the setting Frank had in mind when he imagined talking to Gerard again, but Alex is the one with the phone and Frank’s hardly in any position to be picky.

“Are you sure?” Frank asks for the thousandth time, because this could really get Alex in to a lot of trouble. Alex waves him off and pushes him in to the toilets.

“Just call him, ok? Let him know you’re alright. There are plenty of toilets in here for me to throw up in if it gets too mushy.”

Frank laughs before looking down at the phone in his hand. His palms are suddenly sweaty as he digs through his mind for Gerard’s number. He’s stared at it so many times in his contact list that he should be able to recite it like poetry now. He takes in a deep breath, turns away from Alex and dials.

…

When Gerard’s phone rings, he sits up like a shot. It hasn’t rang since the last time Frank text. He snatches it from on top of his pillow, heart sinking when he sees the ‘unknown number’ on the display screen. He huffs, tempted to throw it back down at let it ring out. “Probably some survey bullshit,” he mumbles to himself, but chews his lip and lets his thumb hover over the answer button anyway.

Finally, he answers.

“Gerard?” and right then, Gerard wants to cry. He wants to cry so badly that he can feel it start to close up his throat.

“Frank?” he croaks.

“Yeah…it’s me,” Frank says, and his voice sounds tinny and small.

“Where are you?”

“Boy’s toilets in church. My mom signed me up to some community project.”

It’s so good to hear Frank’s voice. Gerard closes his eyes, imagining the way Frank’s eyebrows furrow when he talks about his mom. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” Frank breathes, though it sounded a lot like he meant no.

“What did your mom say? How bad is it?” and then Frank laughs a little.

“How bad do you think it is?” he says and Gerard’s stomach drops. “My parents haven’t really said anything to me…at all. I’ve got no laptop, no phone…I can’t leave the house except for church and this.”

“Who’s phone is this?”

“Alex’s. He said I could call you.”

“Oh. Well tell him thanks…”

“I will. Listen, I have to go, but I’ll try and call you tomorrow, ok?” Gerard wants to whimper. He doesn’t want Frank to go, not so soon.

“Ok, sure. Frank, just-” Gerard stops to squeeze his eyes shut again, finding it hard to get his words out. “Just hold on, ok?”

“Yeah…” and Gerard can hear Frank’s voice quiver.

“I love you. I love you so much.”

“I know,” Frank whispers. “I love you too. I’ll speak to you soon.”

“Bye, Frankie.”

…

The other night Louie had to run around Mrs. Greenford’s small back yard for half an hour, and so he’s twice as bouncy today. Mrs. Greenford waddles to get his leash from the coat rack and he follows, nipping playfully at her heels. She laughs as he jumps up at her leg, scratching her leggings.

“Calm down, Lou Lou,” she smiles as the little dog runs in an excited circle.

The younger Way son, Mikey, a shy but incredibly sweet boy, called her the other night to let her know that Gerard was ill. She’s pulled out a packet of powdered chicken soup that always seems to do the trick when her husband’s not too well.

When the doorbell rings, Louie jumps up and twists in another excited circle. She laughs again and rolls her eyes, mumbling about daft dogs as she pulls him towards the door.

“Gerard,” she smiles sweetly as she finds him on the other side of the door, stood almost awkwardly. “Are you feeling better?”

He smiles weakly and nods. “Yes, much better.”

Louie lunges at Gerard’s legs, yapping happily as Mrs. Greenford hands over the leash. She hands him the powdered soup next. “Now, you can call me a crazy old lady,” she starts, “but this stuff is magic.”

Gerard stares down at the packet for a moment before laughing. “Thanks, Mrs. Greenford.”

She smiles and reaches out to touch his arm. “Take care of yourself.”

…

It’s a very different experience being on the tracks with someone other than Frank. It’s almost as if it was their world, built for just the two of them that no one else could see. Now the bubble is popped, and as Ray and Mikey follow quietly behind, Gerard can’t help but feel a part of him has gone.

Louie’s got his nose to the ground, sniffing quickly as he scampers in front, pulling Gerard along. He weaves his way over the tracks, sniffing at the metal and dirt and rocks. When he gets over the tracks and to the top of the embankment, he sits down and barks at the other town.

“Louie,” Gerard hisses, yanking the dog’s leash back. “Louie, that’s enough,” he says sternly, but Louie pulls back towards the embankment, whimpering with his tail raised. Gerard sighs as Louie continues to whine, sounding pained and lost – like he’s close to howling. “Louie, please,” Gerard whispers, “don’t make this any harder.”

Louie looks back at Gerard for a moment before lowering his head and his tail.

“He doesn’t look good,” Ray admits as they watch from a little way back on the other side of the tracks. Mikey worries his lip between his teeth and nods.

“I know…” he says, watching his brother shift from one foot to the other as he gazes out at the roof tops.

Being stood up here on the tracks leaves Mikey feeling some what surreal, almost as if he were eight years old again. Ray carefully slips his hand in to Mikey’s and squeezes it softly. Mikey glances down and smiles.

“Thanks.”

Smiling back, Ray leans in and quickly kisses Mikey’s cheek before looking back at Gerard who’s staring out at the town looking so hopelessly lost.

“We’ll figure it out,” Ray says with one final hand squeeze.

-

Sitting between Frank’s outstretched legs, Rosie faces her master, listening to him as he talks. It’s all just low tones and gentle hand movements to her, but she sits and listens intently anyway, sitting still and patient because he looks so sad.

“I think you might be the only one here who understands me,” Frank says quietly, losing his fingers in the soft fur of Rosie’s chest. “I wish I could trust everyone like I can trust you.” Rosie dips her head and noses his hand. “I love you, girl,” and she pushes her face further in to Frank’s hand.

…

Linda drops the grocery bag by the sink and presses both hands against the kitchen unit. She breathes slowly, eyes closed as she tries to swallow down the bile she can feel rising in her throat.

The looks have started, just like she knew they would. She doesn’t blame them, not a one because if it were someone else, she’d be stood there staring along with the others. It’s the stiff upper lip she got from her mother that enabled her to walk right by them, but her father’s surprisingly soft nature that has her now feeling like she wants to fall to the floor and sob in to her hands.

She won’t, though. She can’t. Hands were made for prayer, not to cover your tears.

When Linda first got married and started a family, these sorts of things never entered her mind. Why would they? You never think about the bad times or plan for the tragedy because you don’t expect it to happen to you.

Shaking her head, she begins to put away the groceries. In the kitchen drawer she places a fresh pack of batteries just next to Rosie’s leash. She brushes her fingers over the thick material. Her husband will have to walk Rosie again tonight, and the next night, and all the nights after that until she feels like she can let her son out of his room again.

Taking in an unsteady breath, she closes the drawer quickly.

…

Lying awake, Gerard stares in to the darkness at his ceiling. He can hear Mikey snoring from where he’s out stretched across the bottom on the bed, jealous of just how easily his little brother can fall asleep. Gerard’s eyes are heavy and his body is tired, but his brain doesn’t want to let him rest. Instead, it wants to flash images of Frank in front of his eyes and fill his ears with Frank’s warm voice.

Gerard thinks about everything, from their first Messenger conversations to the last time they kissed. He sticks his hand under his pillow and pulls out his phone, thumbing his way through the menu and messages until he gets to the last text.

Frank never managed to call him today, but he did text – again from that unknown number.

I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I don’t think I ever will xxx

Gerard reads it until his tired eyes start to squint and all the words blur in to one pixilated mess.

With a sigh he flips his phone closed and shoves it back under his pillow. He rolls on to his side and brings the sheets up until they cover his ears. He knows exactly what Frank means.

-

When Frank rolls out of bed the next morning, he hears his mother stomping passed his bedroom door, mumbling angrily to herself. There’s a knock on the front door, and Linda quickly moves down the stairs. “Yes, I’m coming, alright,” she mumbles to herself. Frank hadn’t even heard the first knock.

He pulls on his hoodie and shuffles quietly across his bedroom floor before easing the door open carefully and sticking his head out in to the hallway.


Linda pulls open the door, heart stopping when she sees her mother stood, glaring back at her. She taps her cane against the floor and nods her head towards the inside of the house. Linda opens the door wider and allows her mother to enter.

“Where’s Charles?” she asks, taking off her black leather gloves and slapping them down on the coffee table.

“At a meeting,” Linda replies, standing by the door with her hands clasped in front of her, feeling like a scolded teenager. “He should be home for lunch soon.”

“Do you know why I’m here?”

Linda licks her dry lips and nods slowly. “I’ve got an idea, yes,” she replies and her mother narrows her eyes.

“Why didn’t you come to me sooner, Linda? Why did you let it get to this? I had a call off my neighbour about my own grandson-”

“I didn’t know,” Linda interrupts. “I only found out a few days ago.”

“When it was too late,” her mother barks. “Behaviour like that needs to be found early and nipped in the bud, Linda. God only knows how he’s going to grow up now.”

“He’s going to be fine,” Linda says with steady breath. “My son is going to be fine,” she repeats, like she needs to get it through to herself first.

Her mother scoffs. “I think the damage is done now, Linda. All you can do now is send him to confession and pray for the best.”

“I’m not just going to throw my son at the church, mother. He is my son and he is my responsibility.” Linda can feel herself getting angry, feel it in her veins as her hands ball in to fists and she steps closer to her mother.

“You can’t possibly do this on your own. Frank needs help, more than just being locked in his room.”

“I can do it on my own. Me and Charles, we can do it…” Linda tries to explain.

“Yes, because you’ve been doing a fine job so far,” she says, sarcastic and mocking.

Linda grits her teeth. “Frank is a good boy,” she says lowly. “He’s got good grades and has never brought me trouble before. He’s just…a little lost.”

“Yes, he is lost and we need to help him. He needs guidance and support.”

“I can give him that, I’m his mother.”

She shakes her head and sighs. “You are, Linda. And as his mother you need to do what’s best for him. Take him to Father Black, he can offer guidance that you can’t.”

“He is my son,” Linda bites. “I know what’s best for him. I made him, I raised him-”

“Linda, stop,” her mother says with an outstretched hand, silencing her daughter. “Just stop right there. I know you feel protective of Frank, but you need to stop being so selfish and accept that your son needs help that you can’t give.”

“Selfish? I’m selfish?” Linda says, voice loud and harsh. “I’m not the one who thinks that throwing their grandson at the church will save their reputation.”

“Linda!” she barks. “Jesus didn’t die so you could raise your only child as a faggot!”

Linda isn’t even aware of what she’s doing until she’s done it, until her mother is clutching her cheek and the sound of the slap is still echoing through out the living room.

“Get out of my house,” she whispers, staring down at the ground until she sees her mother’s feet scamper passed. She hears the door open and then close again, and brings her hands up to her face to let out one shaky sob.

It’s just the one sob though, and after that she composes herself, rubbing her hands over her face and straightening up again.

When she turns around she gasps, because Frank’s stood half way down the stairs.

“Mom,” he says quietly.

“No,” she shakes her head. “Not now, Frank. Go back to your room.”

“You stuck up for me,” Frank continues. “You know, don’t you? You know I didn’t ask to be this way.”

“Frank,” she warns. “Go to your room.”

“You know there’s nothing wrong with me, mom. I don’t need to be fixed, do I? Tell me I don’t need to be fixed.”

“No, go to your room. Frank, just go.” Her eyes are red and her voice is breaking, but Frank still doesn’t move.

“God wants me to be happy, remember when you said that to me? You know it’s true, no matter what. You know that being in love with him makes me happy and you know that God’s ok with that, don’t you?”

“GO TO YOUR FUCKING ROOM!” Linda screeches, and the velocity of her words propels Frank quickly back up the stairs.

-

The next day at church, Frank doesn’t tell Gerard about the argument. He tells Alex, though, tells him as soon as he sees him and Alex’s jaw almost hits the floor. Curled up in a corner in the boy’s toilets while Alex keeps a look-out, Frank doesn’t tell Gerard.

“How are you holding up?” Gerard asks and Frank closes his eyes, resting his head against the cool tiles.

“It’s alright,” he nods even though it’s not. Because now the whole town does know and everyone is staring at Frank like he’s a freak and keeping away from him like it’s contagious. If anything, he’s glad for the space. He’s glad it’s only been looks and not progressed in to words…not yet anyway.

“Thank you for the text the other day.”

Frank smiles softly. “You’re welcome.”

“I think about you too, y’know. Every single day.”

Frank bites his lip, swallowing the lump in his throat. He could really cry right now, just sob down the phone until every bone in his body is tired.

“I know,” he says instead.

“I’m gonna think of something, Frankie,” Gerard promises. “It’s only a year until you’re away at college and they’ll give you your phone back eventually. It’s gonna be ok…I’m not going anywhere…”

Frank grabs the pocket of his hoodie and squeezes as hard as possible, forcing back tears. “Me either,” he manages to get out, but his voice is starting to give. “I gotta go,” he croaks.

“Ok, yeah. I know,” Gerard says. “I love you, Frankie.”

“Love you too,” Frank whispers.

-

Gerard’s managed to keep it from his parents, well, the details anyway. They know that something’s wrong…how could they not? Gerard’s been locked up in his room and Mikey constantly looks like he’s got the weight of the world resting on his skinny shoulders.

The Way parents keep quiet and don’t ask any questions, that is until a brick comes crashing through their living room window.

Donna’s carrying laundry to the foot of the stairs as the boys watch cartoons when the brick comes flying through, smashing the top right section of the window. Glass rains down over the floor and Donna shrieks, dropping the basket of clothes.

Gerard and Mikey spring to their feet and Mikey jumps over to the window.

“What the hell?” Donna shouts as Mikey steps over the glass. “Mikey, be careful.”

“I don’t see anyone,” Mikey says, peering down the street. There’s a dog barking somewhere, but nothing else.

Gerard’s frozen to the spot, stood gawping at the huge crack in the living room window. Mikey looks back at him, eyes wide in disbelief. Donna looks between her two sons.

“Alright,” she finally says. “I want to know what’s going on, and I want to know now.” Mikey looks back at Gerard, lips pressed together. “Someone talk to me,” she says, hands on her hips like she means business.

Gerard sighs. “It’s Frank…”

…

When Mikey tells Ray about the brick through window incident, Ray freaks out a little.

“What?” he gasps over the phone. “A brick…thrown through the window…at you?”

“Well, not at me,” Mikey explains. “I’m pretty sure if they were aiming for anyone it was Gerard.”

“That’s not funny!” Ray says, because he can hear the smirk in Mikey’s voice. He’s got good at detecting them. “You could have got hurt, any of you.”

“We’re fine, Ray,” Mikey assures him. “You can even come over and check on me if you like.”

Ray doesn’t shout at him for that smirk.

-

It’s the last day of the church project, and just as always Alex is waiting by the gates for Frank when he gets dropped off. His dad, like always, doesn’t say anything, just drives away.

“Hey, look! That Iero freak’s here…”

“Shut the hell up, asshole!” Alex shouts back before slinging his arm across Frank’s shoulders and guiding him towards the fields.

Frank’s so relieved to have Alex, and although he hates the work at the church, hates the looks and the odd comment from the other people on the project, he’d go crazy if he didn’t have this time with Alex. His parents haven’t spoken to him in days and when he’s at home, alone in his room, rereading Gerard’s comics until he can recite them like a Shakespearian play, he feels like he’s going to lose the will to live.

They’re painting the other side of the fence now, and they’ve got a good full day’s work ahead of them. There’s a pretty big gap between them and everyone else, but Frank can still feel their eyes all over him.

“They’re staring again,” Frank says quietly.

Alex looks around. “Yeah? Well they can all just mind their own business!” he shouts after them. Frank laughs and shakes his head.

“You’re insane.”

“No, they’re the insane ones. Me and you…we’re the normal ones.”

…

“Dinner will be ready in half an hour,” Linda says, staring at the magazines she’s sorting when Frank gets home.

“My day was fine, thanks for asking,” he says, annoyed. He’s already highly irritable thanks to the none stop glares, funny looks and whispers. Plus, he doesn’t know when he’s going to get to talk to Alex again, and he’s not sure how much more solitude he can take at home. He only got the chance to text Gerard once and quickly, because no one wanted to let Frank out of their sight.

Linda drops the magazines on to the coffee table and looks up. “What did you say?”

“I said thanks for asking about my day, mom,” he sighs. “Because, y’know…sometimes it’s nice to talk to someone other than Rosie or myself.”

“What makes you think you have the right to talk to me like that?” Linda says, arms crossed tightly over her chest.

“What makes you think you have the right to ignore your son?”

“Frank,” Linda says sternly. “Go to your room.”

Frank shakes his head. “One day you’re going to have to let me out of my room and face the fact that this is who I am.”

Linda’s eyes narrow. “I’m not doing this now…” she says lowly, but Frank’s not willing to leave it.

“Why not? It’s not like we’ve got anything else to do, is there?”

Linda’s shoulders sag. “What do you want from me, Frank? What more do you want?”

“I want you to tell me that you understand,” Frank says, eyes wide and hopeful. “I want you to tell me that it’s ok, and that you still love me…” Linda just stares back at him blankly as Frank takes a step closer. “Tell me its ok, mom.”

Linda steps back. “No,” she says firmly, shaking her head.

“Just tell me,” Frank pleads. “Please, mom. I need to hear you say it. Say that it’s alright.”

“I can’t,” she says, and her voice is wavering.

Frank closes his eyes and huffs. “Say it.”

“No!” she barks back. “I won’t say it.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not alright!” she shouts, hand hovering in front of her forehead like she’s about to rub at her temples. “It’s not ok, Frank. You’re not ok.”

Feeling his eyes start to sting, Frank gulps. “You’re lying,” he whispers.

Linda runs a shaky hand through her hair. She looks up at Frank and licks her bottom lip before biting it, eyes small and mean. “Prove it.”

Frank can feel his bottom lip shaking like he’s going to start bawling, but he won’t – not in front of her. He grits his teeth and stiffens his jaw before turning and storming up the stairs.

In his room, he slams the door closed before pressing himself against it. Finally, he lets the tears fall, all of them as they slide down his cheeks, shaking him from his shoulders to his knees. He slips down the door until he’s curled up on the ground, head resting on his knees as he gulps for breath.

He knows his mom still loves him, he heard it in her voice the other day when she stood up to her own mother. She doesn’t hate him, doesn’t even dislike him no matter how hard she tries – but she just won’t admit. She’s never going to admit it. She’s never going to say out loud that she loves him no matter what, that it’s ok to be the way he is, to love whoever he wants to love…and that’s what hurts the most.

Frank’s never going to get the support he needs from the one person he wants it from most.

For the rest of the day, Frank lies on his bed and stares in to space…again. He doesn’t go down stairs for dinner, but at some point in the evening, there’s a sandwich and a can of soda sitting outside his door.

When he pulls the plate and can in to his room, he sees what they’ve been sitting on. It’s a college brochure with a post-it note stuck to it.

If you want to talk about something – let’s make it about something that matters.

In his room, Frank rips the brochure in to as small a pieces as he can manage. He drops the shreds back out in to the hall and closes his door again.

The sandwich and soda stay on his desk unopened as Frank curls himself in to ball and sobs, clutching his pillow as his body continues to shake with the weight of his sorrow.

-

Frank doesn’t know how long he’s been asleep when he opens his eyes again. He’s not sure if he’s even been to sleep at all, he might have just blinked. His eyes ache like he’s been sat nose pressed to a wide screen TV playing nothing but static, and the odd buzzing noise is filling his head, making it too feel heavy and useless. He’s pretty sure that if he tried to lift his face right now, it’d be stuck to the pillow with tears and drool.

There’s a snuffling noise coming from the floor and with a determined sigh, Frank rolls up on to his elbow. His face isn’t stuck, but he feels like he’s got an impression of his pillowcase on his cheek. He rubs at it and leans over. Rosie’s asleep on the floor just next to the bed, snuffling and kicking like she’s running. She whimpers a little and Frank lets a hand drop down on to her head.

“Hey, girl,” he coos softly. “Wake up, Rosie. It’s just a dream…” Rosie snorts and jumps, rolling over as she startles herself awake. She looks up at Frank, confused, and he laughs. “That better?” Rosie shakes her whole body and bounds up on to Frank’s bed. Frank smiles as she flops down across the unmade bed and lays his head on her stomach. He sinks his fingers in to her soft, white fur and sighs. “It’s gonna be ok, isn’t it?” he whispers. Rosie licks his forehead.

…

“So Frank was ok last time you spoke to him?” Mikey asks as his player hurls a grenade at Gerard’s front line.

“Kinda,” Gerard replies, returning fire. “I don’t know. He sounded as crap as I feel…”

“But that’s sort of a given?”

Gerard nods. “In the situation, yeah. I told him to hold on.”

“Are you holding on?” Mikey says, looking away from the game for the first time. Gerard glances at his brother, only for a second.

“I have to.” Mikey doesn’t say anything else, just focuses back on the game and tries not to think about that hopeless look on Gerard’s face. “So,” Gerard says again after a few minutes, “You and Ray are getting pretty close, huh?”

Mikey smirks a little and Gerard laughs.

…

The shredded college brochures have been moved from outside his door and replaced with a freshly made sandwich. Frank eats the sandwich and leaves the empty plate where he found it.

He’s not heard much movement downstairs all day, not that he usually does but he at least usually hears his mom moving from the living room to the kitchen and back again. He wonders if maybe they’re still down there, or if they’ve just packed up, hopped in the car and are half way to Mexico.

Sighing, Frank kicks back his blanket, tossing on to his side, uncomfortable and irritated. It feels like he’s been in this room for ten years. The lump from last night that hung in his throat as he thought about his mother has now moved to his head, and it’s sitting in his brain, swelling and thumping away against his skull. He’s accepted that she’s probably never going to change, she’s never going to support him and she’s never going to tell people that she supports him. Yes, he’s accepted it – but the acceptance still hurts.

Now he’s just got to accept that this is his life for another year.

Suddenly, there are footsteps on the stairs, across the landing and approaching Frank’s room. He sits up quickly and Rosie looks oddly at him before glancing at the door as it creaks slowly open.

Who Frank doesn’t expect to see is Alex, but still he’s there, standing in the bedroom doorway with a weak and sympathetic smile.

“Hey,” is all Alex has to say before Frank can’t take it anymore, and starts to sob in to his hands. Alex moves quickly, closing the door and rushing over to the bed where he sits by Frank and grabs him by the shoulders. “Hey, hey, hey,” he repeats, quickly but soothing as Frank rocks forward. “It’s ok,” Alex says softly, and Frank almost wants to laugh – because everything is quite clearly not ok.

Frank pulls back and wipes his nose on his sleeve. “It’s not,” he croaks. “Nothing is ok, it’s never going to be ok.”

Alex’s expression is full of pity and Frank hates it and appreciates it all at the same time. “Frank, what’s happened?”

So Frank tells him. He tells him about the arguments, even the ones he’s already told him about. He tells him about how he feels, what he thinks and even about the lump of thought swelling in his brain. He tells about his mother, how she’s never going to make him feel like he’s not a freak and about how he absolutely is going to go insane by staying in this town, in this house, for another year.

“I swear, I’ll be sectioned after six months,” he says.

Alex stares at him long and hard, pressing his lips together in a tight line like he’s really thinking. Finally, he speaks. “So get out then,” he says, calm and slow like he’s thought it all out. And apparently, he has, because the next thing he does is pull out his phone and place it on the bed in front of Frank.

“What’s that for?” Frank asks, still rubbing at his eye.

“Call Gerard,” Alex says and Frank’s eyebrows instantly shoot up.

“What?”

“You need to tell Gerard what’s going on, Frank. He needs to know, he’d want to know.”

And Frank could disagree. He could push the phone back, tell Alex that his mom is just downstairs and that he’s obviously fucking crazy…but he doesn’t. Instead, he picks up the phone and starts to dial.

…

Gerard’s phone has only just started to make noise and already he’s leaping across his bed to snatch at it. Mikey recoils back in surprise as his brother suddenly launches himself across the room.

“Hello?” he answers, quickly realising he never checked the ID.

“It’s Frank…” as soon as Frank starts talking, Gerard knows that something’s wrong.

“What’s happened?” he answers immediately, and Mikey’s head snaps up towards him.

“I just – I just need to,” Frank starts and his voice is quivering just like before, only this time, Gerard hears a weak little whimper. Frank’s crying… Gerard’s heart starts to ache.

“Frankie,” he whispers, and the soft, painful voice he uses only seems to make Frank cry more.

“I can’t stay here,” he says when he composes himself, sniffing back tears and letting out a long, slow breath. “I can’t be here anymore…my mom, she’s making it too hard.” Gerard doesn’t fully understand what Frank’s saying, but he understands enough. “The whole town hates me,” he adds. “My parents are never going to let me get out of my room.”

“I’m gonna get you out,” Gerard finds himself saying. “Ok, Frank? I’m gonna find a way to get you out of there, I promise.”

“I can’t get out,” Frank says, and he’s starting to get worked up again. “It’s impossible.”

“Nothing’s impossible,” Gerard interrupts. “I am going to get you out of there.”

“To where?” Frank whispers, and Gerard sighs and shakes his head.

“I don’t know, but I’ll think of something. I promise.” For a few moments, all Gerard can hear is Frank breathing.

“Alright,” he finally says.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Frank repeats. “I can’t stay here.”

“Ok,” Gerard starts nodding. “Ok. So, I’ll think of something and I’ll call you back?”

“I still don’t have my phone-”

“I’ll leave you mine…” Gerard hears from somewhere in the background.

“Who’s that?”

“Alex,” Frank states. “He said I could have his phone.”

“He’s there with you?”

“Yeah, he’s here. He’s gonna leave me his phone so you can call me.”

“Ok, that’s good. Tell him thanks.”

“I will.”

“I’ll call you soon, ok? I promise.”

“You don’t have to keep promising,” Frank says with a breathy laugh. “I believe you.”

Gerard smiles. “Good. I love you, yeah?”

Frank sniffs. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I love you too.”

When Gerard gets off the phone, he flips it closed and turns to Mikey. “Call Ray,” he says. “I’m gonna need everyone’s brains.”

…

Frank puts the phone down and places it back on the bed in between them. Alex cocks his head to the side as he ruffles Rosie’s ears. “So, what’s happening?”

“Gerard said he’s going to think of a way to get me out of here.”

Alex nods. “Good,” he says. “That’s good.”

“Alex…” Frank suddenly says, eyes a little wide and sad. “I’m scared.”

Alex’s face is kind and his smile is small. He nods again, but this time it’s different. “I know,” he says quietly, reaching out to touch Frank’s hand.

…

Ray rushes over as quickly as possible, because Mikey didn’t really give him much over the phone. All he said was that he was needed urgently for a sort of…meeting? Ray knocks on the door, itching for it to open. Mikey sounded pretty rushed on the phone.

When Mikey answers, Ray wants to kiss him. He looks so worried and lost that Ray wants to take Mikey’s face in his hands and kiss him until he’s smiling again. He doesn’t, though. He’s well aware that the Way parents are somewhere within the house.

“Hey,” Mikey says in that small voice of his. He pulls the door open wider. “Come on, Gerard’s waiting.”

In the basement, Gerard’s already pacing back and forth. He doesn’t really notice when the door opens and the others walk in until they’re already sat down at the other end of the room. He looks up at them, lips pressed together and forehead creased.

“I’ve got to get him out of there, guys,” he says, dropping down on to the edge of his bed and sighing dejectedly.

“You can’t bring him here,” Mikey stresses like that might be what Gerard’s thinking. “All hell would break loose.”

“I know, Mikey,” Gerard replies. “We’d both have to leave.”

“Both of you?” Mikey asks, and the sad look on his face makes thick strings of guilt start to pang through Gerard’ chest.

“Well, yeah,” he whispers.

“Oh…” Mikey trails, rubbing his thumb against his other palm as he stares at his hands. “So, where are you going to go?”

Gerard shrugs. “I can’t get back in to my dorm until school starts, but we can’t both live there. I could probably sneak him in for a few nights but…” he stops to shake his head. “It’d never work.”

“Isn’t there any family you could stay with?” Ray asks and both Mikey and Gerard instantly start mentally scrolling through their family contact list, aunt and uncles, first and second cousins they’ve only seen two or three times in their life.

“No,” Mikey finally answers for him. “The only person we see more than once a year is Grandma, and she lives in a one bedroom bungalow in Philadelphia.”

Gerard huffs and hangs his head, slowly losing all hope of ever keeping his promise to Frank.

Everyone’s silent for another few moments before Ray finally pipes up again.

“My brother lives in New York.”

Gerard looks up quickly. “I totally forgot about Nathan…”

Nathan’s twenty seven and lives in down town New York. He’s the manager of some fancy music store, not the kind you get in New Jersey where you want to wipe your feet on the way out, but the kind where they sell Fender guitars and baby grand pianos.

Ray nods. “Well, he’s not exactly back home much, but I talk to him a couple times a week. He’s just got this new apartment, some ridiculously over priced loft conversion.”

“He wouldn’t just let us stay though…I haven’t spoken to him since he left, what – two years ago?”

“If there’s anyone that understands having to get out of this town, it’s my brother. Plus, he always really liked you.”

Gerard scrunches his face a little. “I don’t know, man…”

“There’s no harm in asking, and what other option have you got?” When Gerard doesn’t answer, Ray nods. “That settles it, then. I’ll call him tonight.”

Gerard looks at Mikey with a questioning stare and Mikey smiles back weakly.

…

I’ll call you tomorrow, just hold on a little longer. I love you xo

Frank closes the phone quickly and stuffs it back in to the pillow case. He pulls the pillow to his chest, buries his head in to the fabric and holds on tightly.

-

Gerard wakes up the next morning to find Mikey sat in the chair, staring at him. Gerard yawns and rubs at his eyes. “Everything ok, Mikes?” he croaks.

“Are you ever going to come back?” Mikey asks quietly.

Gerard frowns and pulls himself in to a sitting position. “What?”

“If you leave with Frank…are you going to come back?”

“Mikey,” Gerard starts softly. “Of course I’m going to come back. How could I not?” Mikey shrugs. Gerard swings his legs off the bed until he’s facing him. “You’re my brother, I couldn’t ever not come back. I’m gonna come and see you still, no matter what happens. I promise.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course, Mikey,” Gerard sighs, running a hand through his unwashed hair.

Mikey nods slowing before he leans back in the chair and breathes in deeply. “Fuck, Gee. I’m so scared for you.”

Gerard laughs in a quick breath. “Me too. I’m actually sort of terrified.”

“It doesn’t feel real,” Mikey adds and Gerard smiles with pressed lips.

“No, it doesn’t.”

“It’s gonna be ok though, isn’t it?”

With his hand back in his hair, Gerard shrugs with one shoulder. “I hope so.”

…

It’s true what Ray said. If there’s one person who understands having to get out of this town it really is Nathan Toro. Nathan was born with some sort of amazing ability to do pretty much anything when it came to maths and numbers. He could solve any equation with minimal effort and was done with high school math before he hit twelve.

Naturally, his mother wanted the best for him. She picked out colleges and started saving for what she knew would be a bright future before he was even potty trained. He was entered in to countless math tournaments by his high school teachers and his mother displayed his awards and achievements proudly through out the house.

Nathan liked math, sure he did. It came naturally to him and he liked that every problem in math had a way of being solved – unlike life. What he really loved was guitar playing; something his mother and teachers weren’t quite so enthusiastic about. Despite his love and obvious talent for music, he went along with everything his mother planned out for him, studying advanced math and business studies at college.

He completed college with amazing results, but instead of taking up one of the many job offers that were practically thrown at him, he took his savings, packed up and moved to New York. Thanks to the friends he met in college, he landed himself a job working at one of the most successful music stores and worked his way up to manager.

He comes home a couple times a year, for Christmas and Thanksgiving, but no more than that. His mother’s still bitter about the life he threw away, and even though Ray misses his big brother like crazy sometimes, he understands why he had to go.

…

Ray’s flipped the ‘back in ten minutes’ sign not thirty seconds ago when the Way brothers tumble through the door. Mikey plants his hands on the counter and bounces on the balls of his feet, propelling himself up so he can lean over and give Ray a quick ‘hello’ kiss.

Gerard rolls his eyes and leans against a comic display. “When you’ve finished….”

Mikey flips his brother off and then jumps up until he’s sat on the edge of the counter. “Finished,” he smirks.

“So, did you talk to your brother?” Gerard asks, arms folded nervously across his chest.

Ray nods. “Yeah, we were on the phone for a couple hours last night, actually.”

“How is he?” and Gerard genuinely does want to know, because he remembers a lot of Nathan before he left. He used to give them beer and buy them R rated computer games.

“Good,” Ray replies with a little smile. “He’s just got unpacked in his new place. He said I should go visit him before summer’s over.” He stops to glance at Mikey. “He really wants to meet you.”

“You told him?” Mikey asks, a little disbelieving.

“Well…yeah. He was really cool about it actually. I think that’s part of why he said yes.”

Gerard double takes. “He said yes?”

Ray’s smile widens. “Yeah, totally. He said that one time when he was in high school, you drew this really awesome fucked up rose for him to give to this Goth chick he had a crush on and she loved it – so he owes you one.”

Gerard laughs and the weight that’s been on his shoulders melts away, dripping down his body until it pools in his stomach because, fuck, this is actually happening. They’re really doing this.

“That’s…wow, that’s really awesome. Tell him he’s so awesome.”

Ray hands Gerard a folded piece of paper. “Tell him yourself, that’s his number. He said he’ll be expecting your call.”

Gerard can’t stop smiling. “Wow, thanks man.”

Suddenly, Mikey jumps down off the counter and runs in to the store room, slamming the door behind him. Ray and Gerard watch after him, dumbfounded and a little stunned.

Gerard goes to follow, but Ray steps forward.

“Let me,” he says and Gerard nods slowly. He watches at Ray disappears behind the door, shifting awkwardly on his feet as he glances around the empty comic store. He chews his lip, finding it hard to swallow the fact that there’s another guy in his little brother’s life – one who perhaps knows how to handle Mikey more than Gerard does.

…

“Mikey…” Ray says softly, pushing open the second door to find his boyfriend sat on an upturned crate, head in his hands. “Hey, Mikey…wanna buy some death sticks?”

Mikey laughs, sniffing back the few tears caught in his throat. “You’re such a loser,” he whispers.

Ray grins and kneels down in front of him, worming his way between Mikey’s knees so he can stroke his hair back. “Yeah, but you love that there’s someone who’s a bigger loser than you.”

“Thought I was the coolest…” he says, eyebrow raised.

Ray kisses his cheek softly. “You’re the coolest loser ever.”

Mikey huffs, rubbing at his eye with the heel of his palm. “I’m such a fucking kid.”

Ray shakes his head and kisses Mikey’s other cheek. “No you’re not. I cried like a baby when my brother left and I still get a little choked up every time he leaves after the holidays.”

Looking up, Mikey frowns. “You’re just saying that.”

“Would I lie to you?” and Ray may be smiling but his eyes are honest. When Mikey doesn’t say anything Ray thumbs away a tear from Mikey’s cheek. “See. You’re always going to miss your brother, but it’s not like he’s never coming back. Plus, now that he’s staying at my brother’s we get to bug both of them whenever we want…and when they get too annoying, we can come back here, lock ourselves in this room and make out.”

Laughing a little, Mikey nods and wipes away the rest of his tears. “Sounds like a plan.”

…

When Mikey gets out of the store room, he hugs his brother tightly.

“Don’t find another little brother cooler than me in New York, ok?”

Gerard smiles, losing his fingers in his little brother’s hair. “Impossible,” he whispers.

…

Frank’s pretty sure he’s going to boil to death in his room before summer’s out. He’s got his window open as wide as it can go, which isn’t very, and some crappy little fan that his mother left outside his bedroom door – probably out of guilt that her son was going to cook in his room like a dog left in a car in the height of summer. But she can’t feel that guilty since she’s still persistent that he stays in his room until the end of his life.

Even Rosie’s abandoned Frank in favour of laying in the garden under a tree as Frank’s dad squirts her with the hose every now and then. Frank watches from his window, annoyed by his father’s laughter as he plays with his dog.

He’s about to move to his bed when the pillowcase suddenly stars vibrating. Frank dives quickly on to the bed, pulling the phone out and answering. “Hello?” he says quietly.

“Frankie, it’s me.”

“Gerard,” he smiles.

“I did it,” Gerard says and Frank’s breath hitches.

“You did?”

“Yeah, I did. I found a place for us to stay,” and he sounds genuinely proud of himself.

Frank gets off the bed and walks to his window, pulling it shut before sitting on the floor beneath it. “Where?”

“Ray’s brother…he lives in New York. He said we could stay with him for a while.”

“Until what, though?” Frank asks, and he feels sick with nerves because now that this is real, there’s an actual offer on the table to get him out of here, he’s scared as hell as to what he’s going to.

For a few moments, all he can hear is Gerard’s soft breathing.

“Until we think of something else, I don’t know. Until we find another place or until you change your mind,” he laughs a little nervously, and Frank knows it was meant to be a joke but it tells him that Gerard’s just as scared as he is.

Frank thinks about his mother. He thinks about the arguments, all of them, from the first time she dragged him away from Gerard up until the last time they spoke. He thinks about Alex and the church and the looks and taunts. He thinks about high school and he thinks about spending the rest of his life here.

“I won’t,” he says finally. “Let’s go.”

…

They’re leaving. They’re leaving tomorrow evening just as the sun sets. Gerard’s promised to call Frank tomorrow, just to double check everything, leaving Frank the whole night and day to pack and think. He can’t leave himself to his thoughts though, if he thinks it over until tomorrow night he’s not going to go through with it.

Frank frantically searches through the contact list of the phone until he finds Alex’s home phone number. With the phone hidden behind his back, Frank creaks his bedroom door open, glancing up and down the empty hallway before closing the door again and clicking the call button.


It takes Alex less than ten minutes to get to Frank’s house. Linda doesn’t even talk to Alex when she opens the door, just walks back in to the kitchen leaving Alex to let himself in. He ducks in to the house quickly, ignoring Frank’s father in the living room and heading straight for the stairs. Rosie follows him up.

Rosie gets ahead of Alex and pushes Frank’s door open, it swings back quickly and bounces off the wall causing Frank’s head to jerk up.

“You’re here,” he says and Alex closes the bedroom door quickly.

“Yeah, so come on then. Tell me the plan…”

When Alex sits down, Frank tells him everything. He tells him what Gerard said about Ray’s brother in New York and about deciding what to do when they get there. He tells Alex about his nerves, the sick feeling in his stomach and his fear of over thinking things to the point where he won’t leave.

“I just feel like this isn’t really happening,” Frank explains. “It feels like I’m going to wake up tomorrow and it’s going to be the first day of summer again. I mean, what am I actually doing, Alex?”

Alex licks his lips. “Probably a really smart thing…think about it. What’s going to happen if you stay here?”

“I’m going to spend the rest of my life in this room.”

“Exactly. Frank, man, I really hate to say it, but there’s no future for you in this town. Not now that they know. Even if you never see Gerard again, hell even if you got a girlfriend and had nine kids – this is what people would always judge you on. So you might as well go somewhere else, somewhere you can be yourself and happy. It’s what you deserve. It’s what anyone deserves.”

Frank bites his bottom lip hard and glances around his room. “What about Rosie? What about school?”

Alex sighs and glances down at the young husky. “I never said you weren’t going to have to make any sacrifices.” Frank feels like he’s just been punched in the chest when he thinks about leaving Rosie behind. “It’s not like there aren’t other options though,” Alex adds with a kind face. “There’s night school and I’m sure your mom knows not to take her anger out on one of God’s creatures,” he grins. Frank laughs breathily.

“What if she sells her or just gives her away? It’s not Rosie’s fault any of this is happening….” Frank starts to feel his throat tighten at the thought of leaving his best friend, both his best friends behind.

“I won’t let that happen, Frank. I promise. If she ever did anything like that you know I’d be the first in line. Dude, I’ll ask her as soon as you’re gone if you want.”

“Why do you have the answers to everything?” Frank whispers, because he’d never have though of half of this stuff.

Alex smiles, “You’re not the only kid in this town who’s thought about getting out, y’know?”

…

That night, Frank lets Rosie curl herself around his head as he rests on her stomach, listening to her heartbeat. It’s calming as he runs his fingers through her thick fur and she pushes her nose against his shoulder.

“Alex is right, y’know,” he whispers softly. “You’re going to get taken care of, I promise….this is just, it’s something I have to do, ok?” he looks down in to her large blue eyes. “You understand, don’t you?” Rosie makes a gruff sort of huffing sound and pushes her face in to Frank’s shoulder.

-

Gerard gets out of bed at ten, though he’s been awake since six. He’s been trying not to think about the next twenty four hours, but instead concentrate on the rest of his life – of their lives. He’s promised to get Frank out, and that’s just what he’s doing, but now he’s got to make new ones. He’s got to take care of Frank, be the ones to make the decisions and provide.

Gerard feels the weight of responsibility fall on his chest, almost crushing but he breathes through it. Mostly because he’s has to.

Mikey comes down just as Gerard’s throwing his large gym bag and empty rucksacks on to his bed. He stops at the bottom on the stairs and stares at the luggage. Gerard flinches when he sees him, like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t be. He gulps and closes the closet door.

“Hey,” he says quietly.

“So this is real…” Mikey starts. “You’re really doing this?”

Gerard nods. “Yeah, pretty much.” He watches he brother for signs on sadness, anger or even fear – but none of them are there. Instead it looks more like realisation and Mikey nods back at his brother.

“You want some help?”

Gerard looks up and smiles a small smile. “Sure.”


It doesn’t take the boys that long to pack up everything Gerard wants to take, which isn’t really that much at all. Mostly he packs clothes along with a few of his favourite books, some basic art supplies and his laptop. He could pack more, he could fill his bags with comics and CD’s and everything else, but he’s got better plans for it.

“You’ll want to take this,” Mikey says, picking up Gerard’s newest graphics novels he bought at the start of summer, but Gerard shakes his head.

“No,” he says. “Leave them here.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I want you to have them.”

Mikey smiles, “Really?”

“Yeah. In fact, I’m leaving everything in this room under your command.”

Mikey stares at his brother for the longest time, looking caught between a face splitting grin and tears. He sets the novels aside and clampers on to Gerard’s bed. He un tacks the Black Flag poster from the wall and carefully rolls it up.

“There,” he says, handing it to Gerard. “You have to take this.”

“What? I can’t-”

“Hey,” Mikey interrupts. “You said I’m in command of everything, and I command that this poster goes with you.”

Gerard laughs, running his fingers over the curl of the poster before tucking it away safely in his bag. “Ok, but you have to come visit the poster.”

“I will,” Mikey says quietly, “all the time.”

Gerard pulls his little brother in to a hug, gasping as Mikey squeezes tightly.

…

Standing in front of his parents as they sit unexpectedly on the couch, reading the paper and watching TV, is perhaps the most unnerving thing that Gerard’s ever done. Donna’s not spoken to him about it much since the rock came through the window, just stopped him in passing with a caring hand on his arm and asked him if everything’s alright. He finds it hard to believe that they’re not expecting anything to happen, but he doesn’t think they ever expected this.

“I’m leaving,” is how he starts. Guaranteed, it’s not the most amazing start in the world – but it sure as hell gets their attention.

“Leaving?” Donna repeats as Don peers over the top of his paper.

Gerard sucks in a deep breath through his nose. “Yeah,” he says. “I’m taking Frank and going back to New York.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence that makes Gerard’s nervous as he waits for his parents reply like a naughty child awaiting punishment. He’s not even sure why he’s seeking their approval or why he wants to, but still here he’s stood – shifting his weight from one foot to the other as his parents look him up and down.

“Are you quitting school?” Donna finally asks, because that’s the kind of things moms worry about when their children let them know about completely reckless and last minute decisions.

“No,” Gerard replies. “Of course not.”

“Where are you going to stay?” More mom questions.

“I’ve already arranged for us to stay with Ray’s brother,” he replies, waiting to see if his answer has been approved.

“And you’ve spoken to his brother?” Gerard nods. After a moment, Donna sighs and shakes her head. “Well, I don’t like it, Gerard. I don’t like this one bit. You know that, right?” Gerard nods again, glancing guiltily down at the floor as Donna rubs at her temples. “You’re not going to change your mind though, are you?”

“No,” Gerard replies quietly. “I won’t. I can’t. I can’t lose him, mom. I love him.”

Donna looks over to her husband who arches an eyebrow back at her. “What do you think about this, Don?”

Gerard turns to his father, eyes pleading for some support – any little words just to back him up. Don closes the paper and shifts, reaching in to his back pocket and pulling out his wallet. “I suppose you’ll be needing gas money seen as that sorry excuse for transport has been sat in the garage all summer.”

Gerard smiles, sighing with relief. “Really, dad?”

Don pulls out a few notes and rolls them up. “Really, son. If this is what you’re going to do, then it’s what you’re going to do.”

Donna nods to herself and stands up, “I’ll go get my purse,” she says, stopping by Gerard to squeeze his shoulder. “Just promise you’ll come back and visit – and for God sake call if you need something.”

“I will, mom,” Gerard promises, resting a hand over hers.

…

Frank’s not at all surprised by how little of his life he actually wants to take with him. He’s got this rucksack he used for that one trip to summer camp (and the camping trip with Gerard) that he finds hidden at the bottom of his closet. He drags it out on to the floor and starts piling rolled up clothes and underwear in to it.

From the bed, Rosie watches Frank pack. She tilts her head from side to side, like she’s confused, before finally laying it between her paws. Frank packs a few photos, his laptop and one of his bibles. He smoothes his thumb down the gold edges of the pages before packing it away behind a few t-shirts. Frank might have an issue with this town and ninety nine percent of the people in it, but he’s yet to sort this crap out with God.

Feeling around under the bed, Frank pulls out the few comics from Gerard and the only CD he’s ever managed to successfully sneak and keep in the house without his mother finding it – Misfits ‘American Psycho’. He’s not listened to it much since filling his nights with comic reading and talking to Gerard, but as he holds it in his hands he can hear the songs in his head.

Finally, he’s packed.

When he turns, Rosie’s watching him intently; head still lay on top of her paws. Frank crawls across the floor until he’s at the bed and rests his elbows on top of the mattress. “You ok, girl?” he asks and Rosie pushes her head against his elbow. Frank sighs and ruffles her ears. “I’m really gonna miss you,” he whispers, and all of a sudden he’s blinking back tears. Rosie whimpers a little and paws at Frank’s arm. “I’ll come back for you, ok? I promise.” Rosie recoils her head back, because she can sense Frank getting upset and the few tears that escape unease her, she knows something’s wrong. Frank grabs her head with both hands and kisses in between her ears. “I love you, Roe Roe. I love you so much. I’m gonna come back and get you, I swear. I just gotta find us a place to go. I’m gonna get you a house with the biggest back yard you’ve ever seen, and we’re going to go on long walks where you can chase all the birds you want, ok?”

Frank keeps Rosie in his room, tells her to stay on the bed until he’s gone. He can’t have her there when he’s leaving, can’t see her sorry and confused little face as she whines like she’s done something wrong. As he drags his case in to the hall, he closes his bedroom door, giving Rosie one last sad smile. He presses the heel of his palm to his eyes, breathing in deeply before shaking his head.

Pull yourself together, he thinks.


Charles is watching TV and Linda’s sewing a patch over some of his work pants when Frank walks quietly in to the front room. He stays close to the door, waiting for them to notice. Linda looks up after a moment, genuinely surprised to see him and his father hasn’t even noticed yet.

“What are you doing down here?” she asks, eyeing the rucksack on Frank’s shoulder. Charles looks up quickly as Frank drops his rucksack to the floor.

“I’m leaving,” he says and he’s trying not to let his voice quiver too much.

Linda puts down her sewing and stands up. She holds her hands up in the air, like she’s surrendering, admitting defeat, and leaves for the kitchen without another word. Frank watches her go and turns back to his father.

“You’re going to make your mother ill,” Charles says. “She’s been worried sick about you already.” Frank wants to laugh right out loud, but he doesn’t.

“You won’t change my mind,” is all he says.

“Wasn’t trying to,” Charles replies, shaking his head, and that hurts Frank a lot more than he thought it would.

“So you want me to go then?” Frank says, hands tightening against the hem of his hoodie.

“I don’t want you to live through what this town will do to you, to this family, if you stay…” he explains, standing slowly from his seat and walking to the front window. “You’re my son, Frank. You’re my only son and I love you, we both love you, but you can’t expect us to just accept you like this.”

“Why not? You’re my parents.” Frank’s not sure why he’s fighting for an answer he knows he’s never going to get.

Charles sighs, “Because we have beliefs, Frank, and having a child doesn’t change that. I might not hate you for what you are, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever understand it.”

“So what does this mean then?” Frank asks quietly. “You don’t have a son anymore?”

Charles glances back at him. “Like I said, I may not understand you but I could never hate you.”

Frank presses his lips together and stares at the floor. His heart is heavy and sad because even though it would be so hard to stay it doesn’t make it any easier to leave. He blinks away a tear and looks back up, determined to feign confidence. “Please don’t sell Rosie,” he says. “I’m going to come back for her, ok?”

“And she’ll be waiting for you…”

“Thanks,” Frank replies and his father turns to face him.

“It’s not easy being a parent, y’know…it’s the hardest job in the world. You try to do everything right, like everybody tell you to, but in the end you just do it your own way and pray for the best. If it doesn’t work out, you try not to be too disappointed.”

Frank rolls his shoulders back and closes his eyes just for a moment. “You’re disappointed in me?”

“Yes,” Charles answers honestly, though his answers seems to sadden even himself.

…

Ray comes over just as Mikey’s helping Gerard pack his backs in to the trunk. He smiles weakly at Gerard, bumping fists before winding an arm around Mikey’s waist. Gerard slams the trunk closed.

“I think that’s everything,” he says, and already Mikey can feel a lump in his throat. Ray’s grip tightens.

“You’ll call won’t you? As soon as you get there.”

“Yeah,” Gerard nods, smiling at his brother. “As soon as we get there, I promise.”

Mikey chews his bottom lip for a few seconds before throwing himself in to his brother’s arms. He squeezes him tightly, hiding his face in Gerard’s shoulder. “Fuck,” he gasps, “I never knew how much I enjoyed having your ugly face around here.”

Gerard laughs as he pets back Mikey’s hair. “Don’t miss me too much, yeah?”

Mikey pulls back, sniffling away more tears. “You kiddin’? I’ve got mom ready with the champagne.” Gerard reaches out and ruffles Mikey’s hair.

“Look after my brother,” he says to Ray, and Ray nods, stepping forward to clasp a hand over Gerard’s shoulder.

“Of course, dude. Keep an eye out for mine, yeah?”

“Deal,” Gerard smiles. The car keys feel heavy in his hand as he pulls them out of his jacket pocket. “Well, I guess I should get going then.” He stares down at them, thumbing over the bottle opener key ring. “Oh, shit,” he says, quickly looking up. “I forgot to call Mrs. Greenford…”

“Don’t worry,” Mikey interrupts. “I’ll take care of it.”

Gerard pulls his brother in for another hug, and this time Ray follows so the three of them are all tangled in a mess of heads and arms.

“Gonna miss you, little fucker,” he says when they all finally pull apart. “Just stay out of trouble so mom will come let you visit, ok?”

“Promise,” Mikey says.

Gerard squeezes the keys again and glances at the car. “So, yeah. I guess I better…” he trails off to smile at the other boys, and they smile back, sad but reassuring. Gerard climbs in to the car, sorting out his seat and mirrors before he rolls down the window. “I’ll see you both really soon, yeah? I’ll call.”

Mikey nods. “I know,” and Ray’s got his arms around him again. Gerard takes in a deep breath before slotting the key in to the ignition and turning. This is it. “I love you,” Mikey calls out.

Gerard smiles, “I love you too, Mikes.”

Watching Gerard drive away, Mikey waves until his arm gets heavy. Ray rests his head on Mikey’s shoulder as he holds him from behind and kisses his cheek. “He’s gonna be ok, Mikey,” he reassures.

“I know,” Mikey whispers, leaning back in to Ray’s embrace. “I’m just gonna miss him.”

Ray tucks his hands in to Mikey’s front pockets. “You’ve got me to keep you company,” he says against Mikey’s ear. “I love keeping you company.”

Mikey looks up just as Ray’s lips skim his cheek again. He stares at his boyfriend for a few long moments before he finally decides on his next words. “I love you,” he says. Ray’s arms stiffen around Mikey as he looks down, surprised.

“Really?” he says with a small but real smile.

“Yeah.”

Leaning down, Ray kisses behind Mikey’s ear. “I love you too.”

…

Frank’s still trying to convince himself that this is real as he walks quickly to Alex’s place, rucksack bouncing heavily against his back. It’s just starting to get dark as Frank gets to the bottom of the path leading to Alex’s house, and he stares up at the sky until his neck hurts, watching the final wisps of cloud disappear.

Luckily, Alex answers the door which avoids the awkward situation of Frank having to explain to Alex’s mother exactly why he’s stood on her doorstep in the late afternoon with a packed rucksack.

“You all packed then?” Alex says, smirking a little.

“Yup,” Frank replies quietly.

Alex leans against the door frame, arms crossed. “How did they take it?”

“My parents?” He stops talking to shrug. “As well as can be expected, I suppose.” He digs in to his pocket and pulls out Alex’s phone. “Here, this is yours. I already programmed Gerard’s number in there.”

Alex takes the phone back, wrapping his long fingers around the silver back. “Thanks, dude,” he says. “I’ll call you in a couple days; make sure you’re not in jail or anything.”

Frank laughs in a quick huff. “Yeah, thanks.”

“So this is where we’re supposed to get all emotional, huh? Hug and say how much we mean to each other.”

Frank gnaws on his lip. “We don’t have to…” and Alex laughs, loud and spluttering before pulling Frank in to a bone crushing hug.

“Come here, loser and tell me you love me.”

Grinning, Frank squeezes back just as tight. “I love you, loser.”

…

Gerard’s waiting by the car which is parked next to the tracks. The door's open and he’s leaning against it, smoking the last good part of his cigarette. He ex hails the smoke and watches it float through the air before disappearing. His house may only be five minutes in the other direction, but already it feels like he’s a million miles away.

Frank appears at the top of the embankment a moment later, and suddenly it’s like they’ve not seen each other in months. Frank’s grinning, happy and wide and Gerard’s just got time to flick his cigarette away before Frank comes skidding down the embankment and in to Gerard’s arms.

“I missed you,” Frank says, but Gerard’s too busy kissing the top of Frank’s head to reply. Frank looks up after a second, pushing himself up on his toes to he can bump his mouth against Gerard’s. Gerard takes Frank’s face in both of his cold hands and kisses him, sloppy and open mouthed with so much tongue he thinks it might choke them both.

Frank claws at Gerard’s shoulders and the back of his neck, whimpering with want. He clutches at Gerard’s hair, pressing their bodies together until nothing can get between them.

Pulling back for air, Gerard slides a thumb over Frank’s spit slicked lips. “I missed you too,” he finally replies.

“Thank you,” Frank whispers and then smiles, because it seems like the most perfect thing to say.

Gerard pecks his lips again, “Anytime.”

Frank throws his rucksack on to the back seat before getting in through the passenger door. The car feels comfy and smells like cigarette smoke and Gerard. They pull their doors closed and Gerard flicks the key in the ignition, making the engine rumble back to life.

“So, here we go,” Frank says and Gerard smiles back at him, adjusting his mirror again.

As the car starts to move, Frank can’t help but let a feel of excitement take over him, because he might be scared shitless but he sees that as nothing but a good thing. For the first time in his life, he doesn’t know what’s going to happen next. Nothing has been planned out for him and this time, he’s making all the decisions and following his own rules.

Nothing is certain to Frank but one thing; this summer has been the most important summer of his life.


end.


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